It seems like the month of January cannot go any slower for me. As i long for the month of February to go by so March can come and we can have court, I just feel like i can't shake January. Ugh!! I feel like we received our referral for Elias a year ago. Why does time do that to us? When we want it to go slow and savor the moment, it flies by like you could almost have missed it. But when we are looking to something in the future that we are eager for it just crawls. Time is a teaser!
So, in the meantime i am trying to fill my life with things to keep me busy. For some reason i have a lot of free time it seems this past week or so. Not that it is free time per say, but it just isn't hectic enough to go fast. The crazier my life, the quicker it flies by.
So, i am looking to this coming week when good friends of ours will be traveling to Ethiopia to pick up their son. I will be praying for them each day as they have a great prayer list of needs to pray for. And I will be praying for their first moments with their son.
Their is nothing more important than those very first moments. They are remembered forever.
I think back of the day we entered the Orphanage that Julianna was in and how i was trying to prepare myself for what i would feel. It was so surreal. I wanted so badly to cry my heart out, but the pressure of the moment kept me from doing that. The nerves of feeling watched by the people in charge, the worry that once they gave her to me i wouldn't even know what to do with her. These things flooded my mind and it was almost too much for me. Thus when we walked into the room, set our things down and turned around to see Juli being carried in to us, I didn't shed a single tear. Eric balled his eyes out, but me... nothing. Then i proceeded to feel guilty that i couldn't cry. Oh my the feelings. But to look back on them gives me such joy.
This time i know so much more. I have no fear, it seems to me so familiar. When i look at Elias' pictures, in his eyes i see the son i have waited for and long for right now, so badly. And when i get there, i know i will not see anyone else but him. And i am going to cry like a baby with pure joy. I am so grateful that i have done this before, that i know now what do and to expect. I wish i could have had that comfort with Juli. It makes me wonder if mothers who give birth for the first time feel this way at all. Do you feel nervous about what to do or how to feel or who is watching? Is the second time more comfortable knowing what to expect?
As for my friends Kyla and Bobby, i am going to pray that God will give them the comfort and ease that their hearts need to really take in the moment. Someone told me before i got married, that on my wedding day i needed to just stop and look around. See all the people who came to celebrate with me and just take in that moment so i wouldn't let it pass me by too quickly. I took that great advice and am so glad i did. And i am praying that for Kyla and Bobby, that they will remember to just stop and take in the very first moment with their son so it doesn't just pass them by like time wants to when we want it to stop for us.
On another note, while they are there they are going to pay my little Elias a visit! They will bring him a few things and give him some love sent from me. I am so thankful for that. Lots of pictures, and lots of TLC. I am going to compile a small list of things i hope she can ask or look at for me. Like, take a pic of his feet! And what size clothes is he wearing? Oh, i am so grateful they are going to take time out of their busy trip to visit my boy. Those are good friends! I am blessed which amazing friends.